Bacon Jokes

Why did the pig go into the kitchen?

Because he felt like BACON!

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What is less Kosher than a bacon wrapped shrimp?

A communion wafer

What did the bacon say to the sandwich?

This club can't even handle me right now

How do Jamaicans pronounce bacon?

The same way British people pronounce beer can.

Why is it impossible to say no to french fries with cheese and bacon?

Because it's a loaded question!

What's long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit's finger

What's green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What did one sunbathing pig say to another?

I'm bacon.

What is green and smells like bacon?

Kermit's fingers

Why did the butcher get fired?

For bringing home the bacon.

How do you stop your bacon from curling in the pan?

Take their little stones and brooms away!

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What do you call bacon wrapped frog legs?

The Muppets

What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon?

Kermit The Frog's fingers.

What's green, slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs finger (shoutout to Hesher)

Why doesn't god like bacon?

Because he isn't real.

What do Kermit The Frog'S fingers smell like?

Bacon.

What is long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What is green and slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frog's finger...

What did the pig say on a hot summer day?

I'm bacon!

Why did the pig walk into the kitchen?

Because he felt like bacon. :P

How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away its tiny brooms.

Why did the bacon laugh?

Because the egg cracked a yolk.

Whats green, three inches long and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs middle finger.

What was the pig doing in the kitchen?

Bacon! Get it?

What's long, green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's finger.

What is Green, Slimy, and smells like Bacon?

Kermit's finger.

How many narwhals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Bacon

What is small furry and smells like bacon ?

A hamster !

What do you call a policeman on fire?

Bacon.

How do you stop bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away their little brooms!

What sound do dogs make?

3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.

What kind of tree smells like bacon?

Original ) A Porcupine!

What will you have, Sir?

Bacon my day, sonny!" Sorry/notsorry - it's how my mind works

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

What did Freddy Mercury have for breakfast?

Bacon and AIDS (I'm so sorry Freddy)

Who's there ! Bacon ! Bacon who ?

Bacon a cake for your birthday !

What do you get when you cross a pig and a spider?

Bacon and scrambled leggs.

What would happen if pigs could fly?

Bacon would go up!

What's slimy, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermits finger.

How can you tell if someone loves bacon?

Don't worry, they'll tell you that stupid vegan joke.

Why did the pig go in the kitchen?

To start some bacon

What do you want for breakfast?

Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

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What do you call a British circle jerk?

A Union Jack.

Why can't British people go to North Korea?

Nobody at the ticket counter knows what "north career" means

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Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december?

The specific ocean.

What did the child with no hands get for his birthday?

Nobody knows yet.

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What do you get when you put a tomato in your mothers shoe?

A spanking

Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head?

The tomato was in a can.

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How did Wendy die?

The baconator

What's Peter Pan's favorite restaurant?

A: Wendy's!

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What cake wanted to rule the world?

Attila the Bun.

What do you call someone who makes cakes in San Francisco?

A BAYYYYker

Way Jokes More Way Jokes

What does caravans and women underwear have in common?

Both are in the way if you are in a hurry

How many bugs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, as long as they can find a way in.

Pronounce Jokes More Pronounce Jokes

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

Why is it so hard to pronounce words in Welsh?

It is the language of Wales.

Broom Jokes More Broom Jokes

Why did the guy kick the broom out of his house?

It swept with his girlfriend :P

Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?

Better grip. Happy Halloween :)