When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do?

And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.

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How to tell the difference between a bad, a good and an excellent accountant ?

When you ask them "2+2 is ?":

What exactly is going on?

I asked. He replied, "A Major engineering feet."

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Where does Wonder Woman buy all her stuff?

Amazon.

Where did Capt. Hook buy his prosthesis?

A. At a secondhand store.

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Why did the English major break up with the pilot?

Because the pilot kept ending sentences with a preposition, over.

Why did the crowd watch the man futily attempt to blend oil and water for hours on end?

It was unmiscible.

Shoe Jokes More Shoe Jokes

Why did the blonde write "TGIF" on her shoes?

A. To remind her that "toes go in first."

Why did the mother bear ask the baby bear to wear shoes before he ran through the forest?

Because he was barefooted!!!

Cupcake Jokes More Cupcake Jokes

When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do?

And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.

Who says you can't make someone love you?

I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ.