When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do?

And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.

Previous Random Joke Next
Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Who, you ask, turns the AC on during a polar vortex?

Sociopaths, fascist dictators, my boyfriend.

What does the scientist say when asked if Invisibility Cloak will be applicated by the military?

Yes, but you won't see it any time soon.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What's the easiest way to get off an elephant?

I don't know but you should buy it dinner first!

Why did the old man buy his wig at the thrift store?

Because he didn't want toupee.

End Jokes More End Jokes

What's the difference between a beer and a down syndrome kid?

If you end up with a badly poured beer you can blow it's head off.

What starts with "p," ends with "s," and is really long?

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

Shoe Jokes More Shoe Jokes

Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?

A: The balls are lighter and you don't have to change shoes.

How can you tell if an engineer is an extrovert?

They look at YOUR shoes when they talk to you.

Cupcake Jokes More Cupcake Jokes

When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do?

And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.

When someone says something was made with "love" what exactly does that mean?

Did they jerk one off into the center of my cupcake