When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What's ur emergency?

Goldfish: I forgot Goldfish 911: Forgot what Goldfish: WHO IS THIS Goldfish 911: I DON'T KNOW

How do we know God is not a woman?

Because the Earth is not a sandwich!

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Whatcha inventing?

I call it a picnic. It's a meal but outside with bugs and a high risk of bear attack." "Can I bring my kids " "Sure."

What happens when you take acid with a birth control pill?

A trip without the kids

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

Why shouldn't you talk to someone with a brain tumor?

because they've got a lot on their mind.

Which is the month in which women talk the least?

February... because it has the least number of days

Punch Jokes More Punch Jokes

How do you break a Pollock's finger?

Punch him in the nose.

Why should you know who is the bride at an Irish wedding?

Because that's the one you're *not* allowed to punch in the face.

Toddler Jokes More Toddler Jokes

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

What do you get when you drop a piano on a toddler?

A flat minor

Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

Why was the blot of ink so sad?

It's mother was in the pen and it didn't know how long the sentence was.

What's wrinkly and hangs out your pants?

Your mother.

Calm Jokes More Calm Jokes

Why are doctors always calm?

They have a lot of patients. Sorry.

How do you end an argument with a woman?

Tell her to calm down. You're dead now but the argument is over.