Toddler Jokes

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on a toddler?

A flat minor

What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so."

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

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What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

What do you call toddlers who are dictators?

Dictator Tots

When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

What do white supremacists send their toddlers to before kindergarten?

Pre-KKK

What do you call it?

God: A toddler.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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Break Jokes More Break Jokes

What can you make and break at the same time?

A racket.

How many rocks did Hank Schrader have in his collection by the end of Breaking Bad?

None, they were all minerals.

U. Jokes More U. Jokes

What would u do if u won the lotto?

10yo: Buy legos & a bigger house for u. 11yo: I'd buy a monkey. Going to be extra nice to my 10yo.

Why u bean like this?

SMACK "Don't u carrot all " CRACK

Send Jokes More Send Jokes

Where do german parents send their ADD kids?

Concentration Camps

What do these shoes do?

GLINDA: Send you home D: Lame tries new pair And these G: Wait- D: clicks heels turns into hamburger

14 Year Old Jokes More 14 Year Old Jokes

Why did the 14 year old Mexican girl end up pregnant?

Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.

What is the difference between a 14 year old boy in the U.S. and one in Mexico?

A 14 year old boy in the U.S. is a freshman and one in Mexico is a senor

Jack Jokes More Jack Jokes

What did Apply say to the iPhone 7?

Hit the road, Jack.

Why didn't Rose get an iPhone 7?

She never let go, Jack.

Daycare Jokes More Daycare Jokes

How do you get Cream of Mushroom in Pokemon?

Put 2 Amoonguss' in the daycare.

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

Duckle Jokes More Duckle Jokes

What did did the mother duck say to her duckling?

A: "If you don't behave, I'm gonna quack you one."

How about a dirty joke?

the new born white duckling fell into the mud. the filthy, filthy mud.

Paddle Jokes More Paddle Jokes

What do you call paddling down a river of skim milk?

white water rafting.

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a swimming pool?

Deep ends really.