Toddler Jokes

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on a toddler?

A flat minor

What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so."

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

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What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

What do you call toddlers who are dictators?

Dictator Tots

When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

What do white supremacists send their toddlers to before kindergarten?

Pre-KKK

What do you call it?

God: A toddler.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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What's the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bubble bath?

The girl in church has her soul full of hope...

What's the difference between an original joke and a repost?

I don't know, I just click "submit"

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What did the pig do when a beetle landed in his feed trough?

He ate it quickly before the others could ask him to share.

How does one robber ask another how they're doing?

How are you holding up?"

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What breaks when you give it to a twelve year old?

Her hips.

How does a dark-skinned boy have light-skinned hands?

because paint! -my four-year-old daughter.

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Why couldn't the infant insect without toes drink milk?

He was lack toes and toddler ant

What do you call someone who hates people without toes and can't have ice cream?

Lack-toes intolerant

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Why was the 6 month old Nigerian unhappy?

He was having a mid life crisis.

Why was the Nigerian toddler crying?

He was going through mid life crisis.

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Why was the Trail of Tears so hard on the Native Americans?

It's not easy to hike a trail when you're always falling down drunk.

What does a sheep, a drum, and a snake all say when falling off of a cliff?

Baa-Dum-Sss

Paddle Jokes More Paddle Jokes

What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a swimming pool?

Deep ends really.

Paddle Pool Jokes More Paddle Pool Jokes

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a swimming pool?

Deep ends really.