Toddler Jokes

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on a toddler?

A flat minor

What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so."

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

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What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

What do you call toddlers who are dictators?

Dictator Tots

When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

What do white supremacists send their toddlers to before kindergarten?

Pre-KKK

What do you call it?

God: A toddler.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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What's the best part about bangin' twenty six year olds?

You get to meet Jared Fogel.

What's the best thing about sleeping with twenty two year old's?

There is twenty of them.

Send Jokes More Send Jokes

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He winked at me, I should send him a dragon head." "No babe, this calls for a full dragon."

Why doesn't Mexico send a team to the Summer Olympics?

Because all the one that can run, jump, or swim are already in the US.

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

Why did the man break the clock?

He wasn't comfortable with having that much time on his hands.

What do ya call a bunch of guys breaking into a music store and helping themselves to the stringed instruments?

A: Luters.

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How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buck an ear.

How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced?

a buck an ear

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Why did the 14 year old Mexican girl end up pregnant?

Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

How many shags have you had?

He started counting then fell asleep.

Which snake is the best at counting Nigerians?

A Black Adder

Parent Jokes More Parent Jokes

What do young ghosts call their parents?

Deady and Mummy.

What do you call people who use the "pull out" method for contraception?

Parents.

Quantum Physicist Jokes More Quantum Physicist Jokes

What do quantum physicists do when life gives them lemons?

Everything

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so."