What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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Erection Jokes More Erection Jokes

What do you call a preacher with an erection?

A firm believer

What did the man say to his wife when he failed to get an erection?

No hard feelings.

Toddler Jokes More Toddler Jokes

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

Pair Jokes More Pair Jokes

How do you divide old Rome?

Using a pair of Caesars.

How was Rome split in half?

With a pair of Caesars...

Stab Jokes More Stab Jokes

Where were u on the nite of the 5th?

Stabbing a guy. "Louder for the tape." leans in Grabbing a pie. I went out for pie.

What celebrity is most likely to stab you?

James Blunt

Scissor Jokes More Scissor Jokes

Why did the man use a pair of scissors on the rope?

The knife just wasn't cutting it.

Why does it take 10 women with premenstrual tension to change a light bulb?

IT JUST DOES, OK JERK !!!! NOW SHUT UP OR I WILL STAB YOU WITH THE SCISSORS!