Stab Jokes

What do my brother and Julius Caesar have in common?

They both hate been stabbed

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What do you say to Jennifer Anniston after she has been stabbed?

So noone told you knife was gonna be this way?

What do you call it when you stab a vampire in the lungs?

A miss stake

Why did the cannibal stab the chef with a toothpick?

To see if he was done cooking.

What celebrity is most likely to stab you?

James Blunt

Why do Lannisters hate turtles?

Cause they can't stab them in the back

What did the debater say after getting stabbed during an argument?

Good point

Why does it take 10 women with premenstrual tension to change a light bulb?

IT JUST DOES, OK JERK !!!! NOW SHUT UP OR I WILL STAB YOU WITH THE SCISSORS!

Why did Beethoven hate Mozart?

Because Mozart stabbed him in the Bach.

How was the beach?

You hang ten or what " No but I stabbed a couple because they kept asking stupid questions about my vacation

Why does the media always call a stabbing incident a "violent" stabbing incident?

Is it possible to stab someone non-violently

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How did you get malaria from a stab?

Malaryan Steel."

Where were u on the night of the 3rd?

Stabbing a homeless man. "Louder for the tape " Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.

How are you doing?

and you respond 'I'm doing ok. Getting better each day' & they stab you for answering

What do you get when you stab a baby with a knife?

An erection and a place to put it.

What do you call a black guy who was stabbed by a Mexican?

An ambulance.

Why is he bleeding "Because you stabbed him?

FAIL "Because he doesn't floss" CORRECT!

Where were u on the nite of the 5th?

Stabbing a guy. "Louder for the tape." leans in Grabbing a pie. I went out for pie.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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Don't worry they'll tell you.

Why are you telling me this now?

Vader: Luke: Vader: I need a kidney.

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Why do writers hate the bible?

It has terrible characters, Noah is the only one with an arc.

Why do certain asian boxers hate the Rebel Alliance?

Because they are Thai fighters.

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What did Cholera say to Malaria?

Are you gonna Jaundice on Saturday

How did you get malaria from a stab?

Malaryan Steel."

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What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

What do ladies-of-the-night do when in their garden?

They hoe it.

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How did the media find out that princess Diana had dandruff?

They saw her head and shoulders in the glove compartment

Why does the media always call a stabbing incident a "violent" stabbing incident?

Is it possible to stab someone non-violently

Shut Jokes More Shut Jokes

Why did the man shut his donut shop?

Why did the man close his donut shop ...because he was fed up with the hole business!

Whenever I shut down my computer, it asks, "Are you sure you want to shut down your computer?

Then I wonder if it knows something I don't.

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Why fist fights break out at NASA?

Sometimes an argument of perihelion will get out of hand.

What do you get when an argument occurs on a camping trip?

A tents atmosphere

Toothpick Jokes More Toothpick Jokes

What did the martini say when someone put a toothpick in it?

It hurts, but olive.

Why did the cannibal stab the chef with a toothpick?

To see if he was done cooking.