When someone says "excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable", how long are they usually gone?

Two days seems like a long time.

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Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Why is the UK suddenly a happy place?

Because now they too have a day to light fireworks on!

Finally realized why my plant sits around doing nothing all day...

He loves his pot.

Excuse Jokes More Excuse Jokes

What excuse does an Ape give for abducting a pretty girl?

I can't help it - she brings out the beast in me!

What food should you avoid if you don't want to go to court?

Sue-shi! I'll excuse myself.

Slip Jokes More Slip Jokes

How did the psychologist die?

He Freudian slipped.

Why did the dog's friends send her home from the bar when she started to act strange?

They thought she might have been slipped a woofie.

Long Time Jokes More Long Time Jokes

Whats the difference between a guy who has a new Mercedes and a guy who has an old Mercedes?

The guy who has a new Mercedes is rich. The guy who has an old Mercedes has been rich for a longer time.

How many psychiatrist does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes a really long time, and the lightbulb has to want to change...