Long Time Jokes

Whats the difference between a guy who has a new Mercedes and a guy who has an old Mercedes?

The guy who has a new Mercedes is rich. The guy who has an old Mercedes has been rich for a longer time.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Coffee Mug

What's long and hard every time you wake up?

Getting out of bed. You never feel like it making hard to get up and you usually take a long time to.

What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol?

My record is 21 years.

What did fish on the kitchen bench say to the other fish?

Long time no sea.

What do you call a virus named Enza that causes the flu?

a flu Enza. Thanks a lot everyone, I looked forward to this day for a long time.

How many psychiatrist does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes a really long time, and the lightbulb has to want to change...

Why did Captain Kirk take such a long time in the washroom?

Because he was fighting the Klingons.

What do you name a girlfriend you haven't had for a long time?

Palmela Handerson

What's the difference between an American and a Briton?

Britons think 200 miles is a long distance, and American's think 200 years is a long time.

What did the blind man say to his estranged friend?

Long time, no see."

What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend?

Long time no sea.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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How long you two been married?

It's been thirt- (wife shaking head) teenish twenty- (still shaking) for a long time.

What's the difference between Americans and Brits?

Brits think 200 miles is a long distance, Americans think 200 years is a long time.

Why was the blonde staring at the box of orange juice for a long time?

because it said "CONCENTRATE"

What type of truck takes a very long time to reach its destination?

A log n truck.

What did the blind man say to the blind man?

Long time no see.

What's next, thought crimes?

CNN: If you stare at your hand for a long time it will look weird

Why did Woodrow Wilson take a long time to turn around?

Because he could only make 14 point turns.

What did the fish skeleton say?

Long time, no sea.

How old is your Grandma?

I dunno but we've had him a long time.

What do you call gonorrhea that takes a long time to show up?

Slow clap.

When someone says "excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable", how long are they usually gone?

Two days seems like a long time.

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Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why don't you?

Because I can't think of a single thing to say!

When you start getting older, you think, "why not just once?

Soon enough, you're addicted. And broke.

Ship Jokes More Ship Jokes

Why are camels also known as Ships Of The Desert'?

Because they're full of Arab seamen.....

What did the sea monster have for dinner?

Fish and ships.

Excuse Jokes More Excuse Jokes

How do you hit those high notes?

Adam Levine: I sold my soul to the devil. Interviewer: Excuse me Adam Levine: Practice.

What is the difference between Snow White and Brazil?

Snow White had the excuse of being asleep before letting seven in.

Brit Jokes More Brit Jokes

What do Brits call a fleshlight?

A blowtorch.

How many Brits does it take to change a lightbulb?

Manual work That's what underpaid Eastern immigrants are for pff

Finland Jokes More Finland Jokes

What kind of church music do they sing in Finland?

FINNISH HYMN!

Why are firetrucks red?

You see, firetrucks have 4 wheels, can carry 8 men and 4+ 8 = 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas and fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag and that's why they're red. Cause they're always russian around.

200 Year Jokes More 200 Year Jokes

What is the difference between joghurt and America?

If you leave joghurt alone for 200 years, it will grow a culture!

What's the difference between yogurt and America?

Yogurt could develop a culture after 200 years

People Jokes More People Jokes

What are the advanteges of a long distance relationship?

All four people are happy.

What's the difference.... Between my girlfriend and santa?

Some people actually believe santa exist.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between an Engineering student and an Arts student when tying their shoes?

The arts student gets a mark for it.

What's the difference between a black man and a white man in the US?

A white man makes it to prison.