When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What do men and tile floors have in common?

if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years.

What time did Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

Around Ten-ish.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

What did the salad wearing a tuxedo say?

I feel a bit overdressed."

What does heroin make you feel like?

More heroin.

Grow Jokes More Grow Jokes

What types of jokes grow on you?

They ones that go viral. I'll see my self out.

What is a Farmer's favorite pick-up line?

Girl. You look so good that I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all!

Way Jokes More Way Jokes

What do you call a bus on its way to Comic Con?

Virgin Mobile

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

Beard Jokes More Beard Jokes

What's the difference between Bigfoot and a Mexican with a beard?

Bigfoot is occasionally sighted

Why do you need 200 condoms?

Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals

Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

How do fallopian tubes like there eggs in the morning?

Ovary-sy

Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you back there?

Motorist: I thought you were saying "Good morning Mr. Mayor." Cop: Right. I wanted to warn you about going too fast through the next town.