Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars?

Because it's his only chance to open the door to Number 10!

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Door Jokes More Door Jokes

How does a Muslim shut a door?

Islams it.

What do you do if you enter a room and a clown is having a stroke?

Close the door and go to .

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

What is printed on the bottom of a bottle in Michigan?

Found on /r/linux) A: Open the other end

What did Bob Marley say to his wife after he opened the fridge?

No, Woman, no pie."

Number Jokes More Number Jokes

Why does no one like the number 4?

It's too square.

Why did the little boy flush a pencil down the toilet?

Because it was a Number 2.

Chance Jokes More Chance Jokes

What did Matthew McConaughey say to DiCaprio about his chances of winning the Oscars this year?

It's a fugazi.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

1 in 50 million has a chance of becoming a human being.