How can I waste ten seconds of someone's time and make total strangers hate me?

Credit card chip inventor - Me, writing tweets

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What did the guy who got fired for always being late say?

It was just a matter of time.

Why did the Russian man keep making excuses?

He was just stalin for time

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

What Metallica song does Captain America hate?

Trapped Under Ice.

Why do kids hate Steven Hawking?

They don't like their vegetables.

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

How many seconds are there in a day in Africa?

Seconds? They barely get firsts!

What do you need to teach a blonde who never had an accident in 20 years?

Second gear.

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

What Greek tragedy was written by a neckbeard?

Tips fedora "M'dea."

What do Lady Gaga and E. L. James have in common?

They both wrote bad romance.

Waste Jokes More Waste Jokes

How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

Why is George R.R. Martin really bad at using Twitter?

There's a limit to how many characters you are allowed to waste.

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

What do birds give out on Halloween?

Tweets.

How is it May already?

Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.