How did you get those horrible burns?

flashback to me enjoying some hot soup on a rollercoaster* I saved a litter of puppies from a fire.

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Save Jokes More Save Jokes

How did he get so rich?

By saving the gas money!

Who gets saved?

America

Puppy Jokes More Puppy Jokes

Why did Ellen Pao punch the puppy?

Cause shes terrible.

Why can't we edit tweets?

Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What did Water say to Fire when they met for the first time?

Shhhhhhh.

What do you call a white man on fire?

A firecracker!

Enjoy Jokes More Enjoy Jokes

What's Lisbeth's twin sister's name who enjoys spending time on the internet?

Elizabeth.

Why did Carrie Fisher enjoy doing her one-woman show?

Because she nailed that Solo.

Litter Jokes More Litter Jokes

Why is it called a "litter" of puppies ?

Because they mess up the whole house !

How long have you had this problem?

the doctor asked. "Lest's see" said the patient "Mom had the litter in '41

Flashback Jokes More Flashback Jokes

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

Where's the dog?

flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.

Rollercoaster Jokes More Rollercoaster Jokes

How did you get those horrible burns?

flashback to me enjoying some hot soup on a rollercoaster* I saved a litter of puppies from a fire.

What did Napoleon say on the rollercoaster?

Ouiiiiiiii!