Puppy Jokes

What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you call a puppy with autism?

aww-tistic

What did the gold say when it saw the puppy?

Au.

What's the best part about getting a puppy?

Getting new shoes every week.

What's the difference between a puppy and a kernel of corn?

Nothing. They both explode when nuked in the microwave.

Why did Ellen Pao punch the puppy?

Cause shes terrible.

What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.

Where do puppies go when they die?

Back into the microwave so I can get in another round.

What do you call a puppy in the desert?

Anyone else got some fun jokes your kids have told you?

How do you unload a truck load of puppies?

With a pitchfork

What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?

A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How many puppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Do you know yet Me (in a sea of puppies): No, they haven't done it. Bring more

What did the puppy say when he sat on sand paper?

A: RUFF!

Why is it called a "litter" of puppies ?

Because they mess up the whole house !

What would you call a nine day old dog in Russia?

A puppy.

What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?

If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour it'll probably stop whining.

What if I see a puppy?

What if my house burns down

What's worse than a puppy nailed to a tree?

A puppy nailed to 7 trees.

How about an office party?

ME: crosses out "replace coworkers with puppies" I guess

What do you call a puppy combined with bread?

Well, It's not a purebread anymore.

How long have you felt like this?

Ever since I was a puppy!

What do you call a puppy with a camera?

A furtographer

What do you call a litter of puppies who've been out in the snow?

Slush Puppies

What did the puppy say when it sat on sandpaper?

Ruff

When she asks "is that your puppy?

say "No. That's my dad." Then storm off.

Why do you love your puppy more than you love your wife?

Because the puppy only knows the tricks you taught her

How do you get a puppy to stay the same size forever?

You stop feeding it.

What do you call someone who molests puppies and kittens?

A Petophile

How did you get those horrible burns?

flashback to me enjoying some hot soup on a rollercoaster* I saved a litter of puppies from a fire.

Why can't we edit tweets?

Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."

How do you know when you should get a puppy?

When life's getting a little ruff ...I'll see myself out

You might also enjoy:

Host Jokes More Host Jokes

What do you call a woman in heaven?

An Angel A crowd of women in heaven - A host of Angels And all women in heaven - PEACE ON EARTH!

Why did Leonardo di Caprio want Steve Harvey to host the Oscars?

He'd get it.

Gold Jokes More Gold Jokes

How can you tell the Ethiopian diplomat at a political function?

He's the one with the gold Rolex around his neck.

What did the bartender say to the gold when the gold walked into a bar?

AU, get outta here!"

Kernel Jokes More Kernel Jokes

What did the Marvel character say when he attained full control of his Android's CPU and Kernel?

I am Root.

What do you call corn that joins the army?

Kernel.

Grow Jokes More Grow Jokes

Why do black men wear baggy trousers?

Because their knee grows.

What does a cow who's a jerk grow up to be?

Beef Jerky.

Week Jokes More Week Jokes

What would you call an additional day added to the week?

Sumday

What do you call enchilada sauce bkessed by a priest?

A: HOLY MOLE' Thank you, I'll be in r/dadjokes all week!

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

Where do Russian Spy's live?

In a Snow Den. (This is a joke. Please refrain from yelling at me, that he is not a spy. Thank you and have a nice day.)

What did the man who survived a javelin headwound say to his opponent?

Thanks for opening my mind.

Litter Jokes More Litter Jokes

Why did the mother cat pick up her kittens?

She didn't want to litter

What does Bill Gates call it when someone drops a $20 bill on the ground?

Littering.

Surgeon Jokes More Surgeon Jokes

What's the last thing you want to hear from a surgeon dissecting someone?

Oops

What's the difference between a surgeon and God?

God knows he's not a surgeon.