Puppy Jokes

What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you call a puppy with autism?

aww-tistic

What did the gold say when it saw the puppy?

Au.

What's the best part about getting a puppy?

Getting new shoes every week.

What's the difference between a puppy and a kernel of corn?

Nothing. They both explode when nuked in the microwave.

Why did Ellen Pao punch the puppy?

Cause shes terrible.

What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.

Where do puppies go when they die?

Back into the microwave so I can get in another round.

What do you call a puppy in the desert?

Anyone else got some fun jokes your kids have told you?

How do you unload a truck load of puppies?

With a pitchfork

What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?

A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How many puppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Do you know yet Me (in a sea of puppies): No, they haven't done it. Bring more

What did the puppy say when he sat on sand paper?

A: RUFF!

Why is it called a "litter" of puppies ?

Because they mess up the whole house !

What would you call a nine day old dog in Russia?

A puppy.

What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?

If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour it'll probably stop whining.

What if I see a puppy?

What if my house burns down

What's worse than a puppy nailed to a tree?

A puppy nailed to 7 trees.

How about an office party?

ME: crosses out "replace coworkers with puppies" I guess

What do you call a puppy combined with bread?

Well, It's not a purebread anymore.

How long have you felt like this?

Ever since I was a puppy!

What do you call a puppy with a camera?

A furtographer

What do you call a litter of puppies who've been out in the snow?

Slush Puppies

What did the puppy say when it sat on sandpaper?

Ruff

When she asks "is that your puppy?

say "No. That's my dad." Then storm off.

Why do you love your puppy more than you love your wife?

Because the puppy only knows the tricks you taught her

How do you get a puppy to stay the same size forever?

You stop feeding it.

What do you call someone who molests puppies and kittens?

A Petophile

How did you get those horrible burns?

flashback to me enjoying some hot soup on a rollercoaster* I saved a litter of puppies from a fire.

Why can't we edit tweets?

Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."

How do you know when you should get a puppy?

When life's getting a little ruff ...I'll see myself out

You might also enjoy:

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What do you call an emo a capella group?

Self Harmony Edit: #10 on /r/all! And thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Why do they thank me in the cafeteria when I pay for my food like I had a choice?

Just tell me "enjoy the diarrhea" and I'll move along.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

Why do you love me?

Wife: *shrugs* Me: Why do you find me annoying Wife: *reveals six spreadsheets and a pie chart*

How much does Jesus love you?

Thiiiiiiis much. (Must be said while arms are raised out to side)

Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

How do you make German potato pancakes?

Cook them in the microwave

How does a Muslim get a hot date?

He puts it in the microwave. EDIT: Looks like you guys are real dim....

7 Jokes More 7 Jokes

How many Dragon Ball characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just 1, but It'll take 7 episodes for him to do it.

What's red and has 7 bruises?

Snow White's cherry.

Near Sighted Gynecologist Jokes More Near Sighted Gynecologist Jokes

What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose

What do near-sighted gynecologists and little puppies have in common?

A wet nose

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between being Scottish, Irish, or Welsh?

The difference is what people you hate

What's the difference between a cheeesburger and Reddit gold?

A cheeseburger can't feed your ego.

Headache Jokes More Headache Jokes

What do you get when you multiply 1,654,835,583 to 5,687,423,908?

A headache.

Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?

The noise gave her a headache.

Kernel Jokes More Kernel Jokes

Why did the chicken jump into the bag of popcorn?

The kernel was looking for him.

What did the Marvel character say when he attained full control of his Android's CPU and Kernel?

I am Root.