How do you get your wife to listen to every word without interrupting?

Talk in your sleep.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the executioner say to his wife when he left?

I'll beheading out now.

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

How do you tell an introvert and an extrovert mathematician apart?

When talking to you, the extrovert mathematician looks at *your* shoes.

Why are you always pushing me around and talking behind my back?

I said, "well, you are in a wheelchair".

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What is the difference between light and hard?

Well, you can sleep with a light on.

What do light and hard have in common?

You can sleep with a light on.

Interrupt Jokes More Interrupt Jokes

How do you interrupt a vegans dinner?

Just turn on the sprinkler.

Who him?

Oh that's just jimmy, I pay him to follow me around and inter- *saxophone solo* INTERRUPT MY SENTENCES WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS.

Listen Jokes More Listen Jokes

What music do dyslexic programmers listen to?

Run/CMD

What does a blonde woman is doing with her ear bonded to the wall ?

Listening .

Word Jokes More Word Jokes

How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician ?

Just ask them to read this word: unionized.

Why are people still using a dictionary?

I just type the words into Google and see if it corrects me.