How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Three. One to screw it in one to watch and one to shoot the witness.

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Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many Dave Matthews fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

There are Dave Matthews fans

How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. They stick the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them!

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first off, it's called a lamp...

How many Karma whores does it take to screw on a lightbulb?

When this reaches 500 upvotes I'll tell you.

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

What do you get when offering a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

A: Change.

How many applicants does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but 200 applied for the job.

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

What do you call it when someone shoots a group of fish in a barrel?

A school shooting

What do you get when you shoot four bullets into a six pack?

A Tupac...

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

Why's the couch smell like pee?

Flashback to me watching The Ring alone Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."

Where are you?

I said to watch him like a hawk! ME: soaring 20m above w/ a beakful of mice I AM

Mafia Jokes More Mafia Jokes

What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government?

Only one of them is organized.

Why are there no jehovah's witnesses in Italy?

The mafia doesn't like witnesses.

Witness Jokes More Witness Jokes

What do you call a witness to an event in the Middle East?

A Dubaistander. Yeah I thought of it myself.

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.