What did God say to Jesus?

This lawn ain't gonna mow itself.

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Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why did Mary and Joseph's WIFI get hacked?

Because Jesus WEPt.

Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do?

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

God Jokes More God Jokes

Why did God invent shopping carts?

To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.

What do you call a god who lacks self-confidence?

An atheist. He doesn't really believe in himself.

Lawn Jokes More Lawn Jokes

What does Mozart put on his front lawn?

Metrognomes

Why did the arborist plant new pine trees on their front lawn?

To spruce things up a bit.

Mow Jokes More Mow Jokes

What did the computer do with his overgrown gardens...?

Mowed 'em.

How many of my parents does it take to mow the lawn?

None. They pay me to do it.