What do you do when your wife starts smoking?

Slow down and apply lube

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What candy do you give your wife before you get married?

Pre-nup brittle.

How are a grenade and a wife similar?

If you pull the ring off it, the house is gone

Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

What happened to the muslim who smoked weed?

They got stoned

Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?

For smoking in bed.

Lube Jokes More Lube Jokes

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking?

Slow down and use some lube

What do ghosts use for lube?

Rectoplasm...

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What's the worst single thing you could do to someone?

Start dating them

What do you call ten sets of bagpipes at the bottom of the sea?

A start.

Slow Jokes More Slow Jokes

What did Keanu Reeves say to slow down his horse?

Whoa.

What's the hurry?

Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down. Cop: I was pulling you over. Me: Well I get that. Now.

Apply Jokes More Apply Jokes

Why do Republicans hate lotion?

Because the directions say to apply it liberally.

Why wasn't the man considered attractive?

The laws of gravity didn't apply to him.