What is your line of business?

Me mumbling: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening.

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Garden Jokes More Garden Jokes

How do you stop your dog digging holes in your garden?

By hiding the shovel in the shed/garage

How do you make an apple puff?

Chase it round the garden

Stuff Jokes More Stuff Jokes

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken ?

Because they're both full of stuffing !

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

Why did the kid fall out of the tree?

I shot him Why did the second kid fall out I stapled them together Why did the third kid fall out Peer pressure

Why is the Champs-lyses lined with trees?

So the Germans can march in the shade.

Line Jokes More Line Jokes

What was the terrorist's pick up line?

hey babe, I've got a large pipe bomb and I never pre-maturely detonate."

What do you get if you cross a pig and a telephone ?

A lot of crackling on the line !

Business Jokes More Business Jokes

How did the lumberjack keep his business from falling behind when all the trees ran out?

By moving faux wood. Rimshot

How did the dictator make it easier for power companies to do business with neighboring countries?

He stepped down.

Microphone Jokes More Microphone Jokes

What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?

Microphones!

What's your answer?

whispers into microphone* Please help me, I don't even know these people