Garden Jokes

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can "hoe, hoe, hoe."

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Why do the rich enjoy tending to their gardens?

Because the they have an excuse to buy hose

What kind of gardening is done in the hood?

Weeding

How do you know which pepper in the garden is the nosiest?

it's the one that's jalapeo business!!!

What do you call an epileptic in the garden?

Seizure salad

What did the reindeer wear to protect itself while Santa was watering the garden?

Rudolph's red hose rain gear...

What do ladies-of-the-night do when in their garden?

They hoe it.

Where is your wife ?

In the garden. -But I don't see her. -Oh, you just have to dig a little.

What do you get when you cross worms with elephants?

Big holes in your garden

What's white, digs holes in your garden and helps with headaches?

A paracetamole!

What do you get when you cross a garden, a rabbit, and some ExLax?

For the love of everything sacred on reddit please do not make me actually key the answer....okay, let's say it together, "Salad Shooter".

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What's brown and runs around your garden?

Your fence.

How do you stop your dog digging holes in your garden?

By hiding the shovel in the shed/garage

Why is the retirement center nicknamed "the garden"?

Because it is full of vegetables.

Why don't you tell secrets in a garden?

Because the corn have ears, the potatos have eyes and the beanstalk.

What's the best part about gardening?

Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

What is the fiercest flower in the garden ?

The tiger lily !

What did the priest say when watering his garden?

Let us spray.

What is your line of business?

Me mumbling: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening.

What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant ?

Very big worm holes in your garden !

What does a pimp do when his garden needs tending?

He grabs a hoe.

Why is your dad chasing those pigs through the garden?

We're raising mashed potatoes.

What's left of a garden after it catches on fire?

Chard remains.

What is a dogs favourite flower ?

Anything in your garden !

How do you make an apple puff?

Chase it round the garden

Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden?

He wanted to raise some hard cash.

What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?

It made him wed his plants!

How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?

A. They were really put out.

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?

Hide the ball it drives them nuts!

Where would men be without women?

The Garden of Eden

How do you stop a monster digging up your garden?

Take his spade away.

What do you call an epileptic frolicking in a garden?

Seizure salad.

What do you can an epileptic What do you call an epileptic in a garden?

Seizure salad. edit: fixed the word 'call'

What do you call an Irish man who lives in your back garden?

Patti O'Furniture

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Seizure Jokes More Seizure Jokes

What do you call El Chapo suffering from seizures?

Narcolepsy

What do you call a seizure you have while mining?

An ore spasm.

Jalapeo Business Jokes More Jalapeo Business Jokes

How do you know which pepper in the garden is the nosiest?

it's the one that's jalapeo business!!!

What do nosy peppers do?

They get jalapeo business. :)

Yell Jokes More Yell Jokes

What do you yell when a woman falls of a boat?

Full speed ahead

Why did all the other toys throw RaggedyAnn out of the toy box?

She kept on sitting on Pinocchio's face yelling "Lie to me, lie to me!"

Visit Jokes More Visit Jokes

Where does he visit first?

Crimea River

What's the best time to visit your Chinese dentist?

Tooth hurty

Gardener Jokes More Gardener Jokes

Why do gardeners make horrible cops?

Because they keep planting evidence.

What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?

A lawn moo-er.

Epileptic Jokes More Epileptic Jokes

What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your bath?

Throw in your washing.

What do you call a bowl full of leaves and epileptics?

Seizure Salad.

Hood Jokes More Hood Jokes

Who delivers pizza in the hood?

Popo John's

What do you call pasta from the hood?

Spaghetto

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What does a woman want more than anything in the world?

Nothing. She's fine.

Who wants to hear some Symphonies?

crowd goes wild B:I SAID WHO WANTS TO HEAR SOME SYMPHONIES *crowd goes nuts B:I CANT HEAR YOU!