What was the first thing Abraham Lincoln told his friends when they asked him how he got an STD?

Four whore and seven beers ago....

This joke may have profanity.
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Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What two things look exactly the opposite but mean exactly the same?

9/11 and 11/9 - darkest days in American history

What's the only thing worse than asbestos?

Asworstos.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you end an argument with a woman?

Tell her to calm down. You're dead now but the argument is over.

How do you tell if a black mans been on your computer?

It's not there.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What does Ron Howard ask before watersports?

You down with Opie pee

What's black and white and can't turn around in a corridor?

A nun with a javelin in her throat. (The only joke I can ever recall when asked for one. Told to me by my art teacher in Grade 11. Needless to say, he was my favourite teacher)

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

What happens when your friend from Prague topples over?

You right a Czech.

Why did the man go to the doctor after taking his friend to work?

He had carpool tunnel

Std Jokes More Std Jokes

What do STDs and jokes have in common?

They're both easily spread.

What's the worst STD you can get from a black man?

Pregnancy.

Abraham Lincoln Jokes More Abraham Lincoln Jokes

What do Abraham Lincoln and Peyton Manning have in common?

Neither can finish a play.

Which US president is most responsible for unemployment in the US today?

Abraham Lincoln.