Abraham Lincoln Jokes

Why didn't Abraham Lincoln go to jail?

Because he was in-a-cent!

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Why didn't the cops ever charge Abraham Lincoln?

Because he was always in a cent.

Which US president is most responsible for unemployment in the US today?

Abraham Lincoln.

What was the first thing Abraham Lincoln told his friends when they asked him how he got an STD?

Four whore and seven beers ago....

This joke may have profanity.

Why is Abraham Lincoln on the Penny?

Because it makes cents (sense).

What would Abraham Lincoln say if he found out there was a movie about him slaying vampires?

What's a movie?

What did Abraham Lincoln say after a three-day drinking spree?

I freed the what?"

What do Abraham Lincoln and Peyton Manning have in common?

Neither can finish a play.

Why can't Abraham Lincoln remember the Gettysburg Address?

Because he's dead.

What do Abraham Lincoln and Ryan Fitzpatrick have in common?

Neither of them can finish a play

What did George Washington Abraham Lincoln and Christopher Columbus all have in common?

They were all born on holidays."

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What would a depressed Abraham Lincoln do?

Slit the writ of habeas corpus.

What do Abraham Lincoln and an '80s sitcom have in common?

Both were shot before a live audience.

What did Abraham Lincoln say after a two week drunk?

I freed what

Which American President was least guilty?

Abraham Lincoln. He was in a cent.

What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge?

I set* ***who*** *free "*