Whats the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger

This joke may have profanity.

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What do you get when you cross an oven with a car?

A hot rod. NOTE: When I was about 5, I thought this was the funniest joke on earth.

What said a person who got run over by a car?

I'm tired".

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Whats the difference between Paul Walker and Tiger Woods?

Tiger Woods has a better driver.

Whats the best way to castrate a priest?

Kick the alter boy in the chin

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Why is PBS asking me for money?

If I had money I wouldn't need to pretend crow migration habits are good entertainment.

What's the best joke you know that's kid-safe?

I know plenty of raunchy jokes, but was asked this recently and came up blank

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Why is a dog so warm in Summer?

He wears a coat and pants.

What does the Queen put on her toast?

Maamilade! Tada....... anyone? Anyone? I'll get my coat

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What's the worst part of having a lung transplant?

Knowing that the first couple of times you cough that the phlegm isn't yours.

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When you get there, you turn into the driveway. Ba-dum-bum! Don't forget to tip your waitress!

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Why was Mac OS X hired as the prison guard?

Because he kept locking up.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?

Are they afraid someone might accidentally clean them

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What did the young witch say to her mother ?

Can I have the keys to the broom tonight !

How did they break in?

Me: I have a fake garden rock w/a key inside. Police: They found it Me: They threw it through the window.

Abortion Clinic Jokes More Abortion Clinic Jokes