Why did the woman leave her overweight husband unconscious in a burning building?

Because she couldn't stand him.

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Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?

He touched the beaker before it was cool.

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

How'd you leave her?

Dead by the side of the road..."

Why was the composer late for work?

He missed Debussy. I'll just leave.

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What's the easiest way to tell if somebody's lying?

He/she's not sitting or standing!

What did N say to Z?

Stand up!

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

Why couldn't Hillary win the election?

Women only win .7 votes for every one a man wins.

Why did cavemen drag their women around by the hair and not the feet?

Because if they drug them by the feet the would have filled with dirt.

Burn Building Jokes More Burn Building Jokes

What did one termite say to another in a burning building?

Barbecue tonight!"

What did the Hulk say when he got trapped in a burning building?

Hulk ash!