Why didn't Russia return the NSA whistleblower to the United States?

He was Snowden.

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Why couldn't Edward leave the Airport?

Because he was Snowden...

Why couldn't Edward leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

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What do chicken, beef and Russia have in common?

They are all against Turkey

What's the current number one song in Russia?

Crimea river

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Why couldn't the NSA whistleblower leave Russia?

He was snowed in.

Why didn't the NSA request AT&T's phone records?

Because they can't monitor all those dropped calls!

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Why did the cows keep returning to the field of marijuana?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Why did the python return his pants?

They were too constricting.

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How long does a United States Congressman serve?

ANSWER: Until he gets caught.

What did the hipster epidemiologist say to United States citizens at a press conference?

You probably won't get it.

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Why didn't Russia return the NSA whistleblower to the United States?

He was Snowden.

Why couldn't the NSA whistleblower leave Moscow?

He got snowed in.