Why don't Jedi mathematicians use the absolute value function?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

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What is a Jedi's favorite car company?

Toyoda

Why did the angry Jedi cross the road?

To get to the dark side.

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Why did Lucy fall off the swing?

Jimmy pushed her... Which is a shame because she was getting used to swinging without arms.

How did Christopher Columbus find India?

He used Apple Maps.

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Why do people always talk in absolutes?

I would never do that. It's the worst.

What do short people call something that's too high up?

Absolute zero, because it's impossible to reach

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Why are Jedis allowed to use negative numbers?

Because only Siths deal in absolutes.

Where do Sith lords go to shop?

The Darth Mall.

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What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut