Absolute Jokes

What do short people call something that's too high up?

Absolute zero, because it's impossible to reach

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What's it like being frozen to absolute zero?

It's 0K.

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

Why don't Jedi Knights use the Kelvin scale?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Why don't Jedi mathematicians use the absolute value function?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Why are Jedis allowed to use negative numbers?

Because only Siths deal in absolutes.

What'd the scientist say to the man who was frozen to absolute zero?

Are you 0K

Why do people always talk in absolutes?

I would never do that. It's the worst.

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Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why did Steve fall off the swing?

Because he was a potato!

What did Dr. Evil say when he fell in the rancor pit?

Throw me a frickin bone here.

Allow Jokes More Allow Jokes

Why should you know who is the bride at an Irish wedding?

Because that's the one you're *not* allowed to punch in the face.

What do Ryan Giggs and Imogen Thomas have in common?

I'm not allowed to tell you

Negative Number Jokes More Negative Number Jokes

Why are Jedis allowed to use negative numbers?

Because only Siths deal in absolutes.

Why did the negative number look so surprised?

He was nonplussed.

Pine Tree Jokes More Pine Tree Jokes

Which trees miss you the most?

Pine trees

What does a lawyer, a pine tree, and a hydrogen atom have in common?

Absolutely nothing.

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

What should you do if windows crashes cost you a lot of money?

A: You should bill Gates.

Whoever answers my next question, can go home One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: Who just threw that?

Boy: Me and I'm going home now.

German Jokes More German Jokes

How do you say "bra" in german?

CUZITHODZITFOMFOPIN.

What did the German watch repairer say to his watch that would only go tick, tick, tick?

A: "Ve have vays of making you tock!"

Paper Cut Jokes More Paper Cut Jokes

What bleeds once a month and has absolutely no sense of humor?

Me. I'm pretty clumsy so I get paper cuts pretty regularly.

What does Morpheus seek for paper cuts?

Neosporin.

Absolutely Sense Jokes More Absolutely Sense Jokes

How many of my fellow Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one of course, as we are highly efficient and have absolutely no sense of humour.

What bleeds once a month and has absolutely no sense of humor?

Me. I'm pretty clumsy so I get paper cuts pretty regularly.