Why should you never mention the number 288?

Because it's two gross! (A gross is a measurement unit for "144". So 2 * 144 = 288. Or "two gross".)

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How do you make an idiot think he's a duck?

Tell him he's a duck.

How can you tell the difference between a weasel and a stoat?

One is weasely identifiable while the other is stoatally different.

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Why didn't the melons get married in Vegas?

Because they cantaloupe. This joke was brought to you by Dads inc.

What do you call a joke that gets posted over and over again on reddit?

Al-redi-reddi-tt.

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Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub?

Because he is 2 square.

What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator?

A huge mess.

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What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands?

Canta Plaus.

Where did Sally go during the explosion?

Everywhere!

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Why should you never mention the number 288?

Because it's two gross! (A gross is a measurement unit for "144". So 2 * 144 = 288. Or "two gross".)

How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

None. Mice can't change light-bulbs as they are mere rodents without the physical or mental ability to do so. Not to mention it's much safer for them to pilfer food in the dark.