Why can't Jesus play Football?

He has flashbacks every time he looks at the goal

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Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What do elephants say as a compliment ?

You look elephantastic !

When I was 3 years old I looked at my nutsack and asked my Mom "Are these my brains?

Not yet," she replied

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

Why couldn't Handel play his harpsichord?

Because it was baroquen.

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why did Jesus hang on the cross for three days?

He forgot the safe word.

What happened when Jesus 'screwed' around?

He got *nailed*.

Football Jokes More Football Jokes

What wind is best for footballs?

Drew Brees

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?

Hide the ball it drives them nuts!

Goal Jokes More Goal Jokes

Which insect didn't play well in goal ?

The fumble bee !

What do you call a girl who's preventing you from reaching your goal?

A keeper

Flashback Jokes More Flashback Jokes

Where's the dog?

flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.

How did you get those horrible burns?

flashback to me enjoying some hot soup on a rollercoaster* I saved a litter of puppies from a fire.