Why did the oven go back to University?

To get another degree. My sister thought it up and found it so funny she called to tell me.

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Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How is my wife doing?

Doctor: I'm so sorry. The accident has left her in a vegetative-like state and I don't think she'll ever recover. She can barely move her limbs, if at all, and will be confined to a bed or wheelchair without the ability to ever walk again. You'll need to care for her 24/7, clothe her, feed her, bathe her, and she'll have no control of her bladder or bowels. Again, I'm so, so, sorry... ..... ..... ..... Just kidding! She's dead.

How do you feel about perfumes being designed by computers?

Because I think it makes perfect scents.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Where will you never find a hipster fish?

The mainstream

How do you find the fastest man in Africa?

Roll a penny down a hill.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What do you call a person with memory problems telling a joke?

To get to the other side.

What did the boy tell the priest in the confessional?

Nothing. It's rude to talk with your mouth full.

Sister Jokes More Sister Jokes

How did the redneck find his sister in the woods?

A: Pretty hot

Why did my sister go down to the fish market?

Oh just for the Halibut!

Degree Jokes More Degree Jokes

Why didn't the potter get a job?

He didn't *urn* his degree.

What do you call a tube with a degree?

A graduated cylinder.

Oven Jokes More Oven Jokes

How do you know if a hippo is in your oven?

The door won't close

How long do you need to put the turkey in the oven for?

Mine was dead within 30 minutes (credit goes to my Grandma)

University Jokes More University Jokes

What's the difference between a degree in Theoretical Physics and a theoretical degree in Physics?

One is relevant and can get you a job. The other you went to university for.

How many OU (University of Oklahoma) coaches does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They aren't about to change a bulb when flipping a switch has worked for 15 years.