Why did the programmer get a job working with big data when his wife died?

He just needed a little bit of Clojure.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the pig say when his wife left him?

Don't go bacon my heart"

What did the bee say to his wife?

No on knows. It's a Mister Bee.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

How many Gordon Ramseys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, he lets the knives do the work

Whats the similarities between black people and bikes?

Both cant work without chains.

Programmer Jokes More Programmer Jokes

Why do programmers celebrate Christmas on Halloween?

Because OCT 31 == DEC 25

What state did the programmer start her road trip in?

Maine

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

What runs forever and never dies?

An argument with a woman! And I'm in one right now.

Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?

It died.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store. The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?" The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"

Why did the pirate update his Macbook?

His matey told him he needed an iPatch

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

Why did you apply for this job?

Me: Because being broke and homeless didn't really call out to me.

Why did I quit my job in Mexico?

It didn't peso well.

Little Bit Jokes More Little Bit Jokes

Why do black people have white on their palms?

There's a little bit of good in everybody.

What makes a little bit of sense, but you'll never understand?

Hobos