Why did the programmer get a job working with big data when his wife died?

He just needed a little bit of Clojure.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?

When I do her hair: "How about a hat "

Where are the posters?

WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! In other room *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What do you call it when you smoke weed and work out at the same time?

Getting all high and mighty

What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant?

Donkey!" (Danke) You gotta say it with the shrek accent to work.

Programmer Jokes More Programmer Jokes

Why did the programmer get a job at the photographers?

They needed a developer.

What do programmers and obese people have in common?

They both call an 8-course meal a bite.

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

How are cats like empty wine bottles?

I'm probably gonna die surrounded by both.

Why are lawyers buried 18 feet deep when they die?

Because deep down they're all actually good people.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why do we need to go to college?

Student: Why do we need to go to college? Teacher: So we can get a high paying job Student: Why do we need a high paying job Teacher: So we can get lots of money Student: Why do we need lots of money Teacher: So we can pay off our college loans

What does NASA stand for?

Need Another Seven Astronauts

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

How does Dracula get his hair so perfect without a mirror?

Oh questions about the job No I'm good."

What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other?

Lets get Jobs!

Little Bit Jokes More Little Bit Jokes

How long is a 0 or 1?

Just a little bit.

Why are men the best chefs?

Because with only 2 nuts, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months.