Pause Jokes

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

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What is a hemophiliac's least favorite song?

Don't stop ble-eding (The pause is necessary)

How do you sell a chicken to a deaf man?

pause....) WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN??!! (SHOUTING)

What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for but I think its more a joke Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.

When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?

I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."

Why have a ballroom, with no Balls?

Disney's Frozen I paused the movie to tweet this...

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Suit Jokes More Suit Jokes

What do you call a gypsy in a suit?

The defendant

Which singer would be best suited for the roman military?

Britney Spears

Comma Jokes More Comma Jokes

Why do the Germans use commas in place of decimal points?

Because it makes 6,000,000 seem like a much smaller number.

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause.

Claw Jokes More Claw Jokes

What would Marilyn Monroe being doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the lid of her coffin.

What works in a circus walks a tightrope and has claws ?

An acrocat !

Semicolon Jokes More Semicolon Jokes

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell if someone is ticklish?

You use test tickles

How do you tell the difference?

I told him "It's easy! Julie has long blonde hair..." "..and Derek has a moustache"

Big Pause Jokes More Big Pause Jokes

Why the big pause................................?

Said the man in the pub to the bear. First heard this joke told by Eddie Izzard.

What's with the big pause?

And the polar bear says, "Oh, I've always had them."

Pub Jokes More Pub Jokes

Why would Bart Simpson never go to a pub?

Because there's a BartEnder there.

What is the difference between a pub and an elephant fart?

One is a bar room, and one is a Barooooooooooooom!

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How do you get spiderwebs out of your hair?

Asking because Spider-Man... I mean... Just asking.

How did OJ respond when his son asked to borrow the car?

gtOnly if you go aks your mother.