Pause Jokes

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

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What is a hemophiliac's least favorite song?

Don't stop ble-eding (The pause is necessary)

How do you sell a chicken to a deaf man?

pause....) WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN??!! (SHOUTING)

What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for but I think its more a joke Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.

When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?

I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."

Why have a ballroom, with no Balls?

Disney's Frozen I paused the movie to tweet this...

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End Jokes More End Jokes

Why does it end with twenty?

he thinks to himself.

What do Spiderman and I have in common?

We both end up with sticky hands after using the web.

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

How much is a dozen bananas?

ampnbsp And the cashier replies: &ampnbsp -Twelve bananas

How good are you at PowerPoint?

I said, "I Excel at it." He replied, "Was that a Microsoft Office pun " I was like, "Word."

Long Pause Jokes More Long Pause Jokes

Which president was famous for his long pauses?

Ellipsis S. Grant.

Why the long pause?

asks the bartender. The bear replies "Well, I am a bear"

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why do pessimists always think it's the weekend?

Because every day is a sadder-day.

What's the last thing you want to see on the reddit frontpage?

This joke. PS: You don't think so Prove me wrong.

Polar Bear Jokes More Polar Bear Jokes

Where do polar bears go to deposit money?

A snowbank

What's a polar bear?

A rectangular bear after a cordinate transform.

Shout Jokes More Shout Jokes

What do you call a Mexican guy shouting at someone?

An argumentative ese

Why did so many black people die in Vietnam?

Because when they shouted "GET DOWN!" they all started dancing.

Financial Advisor Jokes More Financial Advisor Jokes

What do you call Charlie Sheen's brother if he were a financial advisor?

Emilio Investevez. Fun game/running joke friends in college used to play. Wondering if Reddit would enjoy the game too.

When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?

I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

How many dead-heads does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just let it burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

Why shouldn't you let the scientists have an antelope?

They'll turn it into a bombardeer