Stock Jokes

What did the bad soccer announcer get in his stocking?

COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What does an ear of corn hang on his fireplace during Christmas?

A stalk-ing! (A stocking!)

How did the dungeon keeper plan for retirement?

Collecting stocks and bonds.

What do you call an NBA Superstar who's first job was stocking milk?

Legen-dairy*

What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas ?

A ladder in her stocking !

Why did the chicken love Campbell's Soup?

Because his family had stock in the company.

What do you call it when you buy stocks of a clothing company?

A good in-vest-ment

Who was the best financier in the Bible?

Noah. He floated his stock while the whole world was in liquidation.

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Prince and a White Dwarf?

Nothing, they're both dead stars.

What's the difference between British crisps and foreign crisps?

One are Walkers and the others just Lays around.

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

What did the English teacher write when she needed to borrow money?

An AE I.O.U. P.S. Im proud of this one :3

What did Bernie Madoff say to Bernie Sanders?

I'll take your money!

December 21st Jokes More December 21st Jokes

Why was Mrs. Clause's stocking full on December 21st?

Because Santa came early this year.

What Johnny Mercer song does December 21st remind you of?

Autumn Leaves.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

Why bother?

They're only going to buy drugs or alcohol with it!"... oh, like I wasn't !

Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog?

A: So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it.

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What do you call a child who doesn't believe in Santa?

An eggnogstic

Where did Santa meet his wife?

Conjunction junction, they specialize in hooking up words, phrases, and Clauses

Marijuana Jokes More Marijuana Jokes

Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?

The steaks were getting too damn high.

What do you call money that grows on trees?

Marijuana

Laugh Jokes More Laugh Jokes

What do you call corn with a sense of humor?

Laughing stalk

Why didn't DiCaprio laugh at Oscar joke?

Because he didn't get it.

Figure Jokes More Figure Jokes

Why couldn't the choir director figure out whether Alison Brie was alto soprano?

Everytime he tried, he was told that she was young and that they tried not to sectionalise her.

How do you figure out how sensitive a man's balls are?

Test tickles