Venus Jokes

Why are there no nightclubs on Venus?

They shut down because they had a toxic atmosphere

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What did Serena say to Venus before they faced off in the US Open?

In tennis, love means nothing.

What do you call Venus Williams' collection of Pokemon?

The 'mons of Venus.

Why has Venus been so distant lately?

Mars answers "shes been under a lot of pressure and has really bad gas"

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Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What do you mean you're not going to spank me?

I mouthed off and everything. What kind of man are you

Where'd you go?

Him: "You meant with you "

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

Why did the melon get married in a church?

Because he was in love with a cantaloupe.

What did the necrophile say to his ex-girlfriend?

I only loved you for your body!"

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars?

Because it's his only chance to open the door to Number 10!

What do they call a monastery key that opens all doors?

Monk key

Nightclub Jokes More Nightclub Jokes

Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub?

Because he is 2 square.

Why are there no nightclubs on Venus?

They shut down because they had a toxic atmosphere

Pokemon Jokes More Pokemon Jokes

Why don't you take a shower with a Pokemon?

He might Peek at Chu!

What did Ash tell his Pokemon?

Pokemon Go!

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

How much for this melted ghost?

Sir that's a bed sheet "You have a lot of them! And they're packaged IS THIS GHOST HELL" This is a Macys

What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?

You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!

Pressure Jokes More Pressure Jokes

What does Cam Newton have in common with a Fig Newton?

They are both soft and crumble under pressure.

Why did Vanilla Ice steal a can of hair spray?

Because the label said, "Contents Under Pressure" Got this joke from my brother :D

Tennis Jokes More Tennis Jokes

Why does Ellen Pao play so much tennis?

Its the only place she can get love.

What do you call a girl who plays tennis on her knees?

Courtney.