How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

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How can you tell if someone does crossfit?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

How can you tell Cap'n Crunch is terrible?

He hasn't been promoted since 1963...

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What does a Jedi use to open files?

Adobe-wan Kenobi

How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning?

By opening the car door.

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Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

Who was the best actor in the bible ?

Samson he brought the house down !

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How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant?

Donkey!" (Danke) You gotta say it with the shrek accent to work.

Gospel Jokes More Gospel Jokes

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

What is the difference between a black person and a tire?

The tire doesn't sing gospels when you put it in chains.

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice* What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?

When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.

How many Carpathians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, Vigo and see. (best read in Yanosh's voice)

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What colour is eight?

Purple (According to my 3 year old son)

What do you get when you cross a Mexican cholo and an ill tempered Irishman?

a surprisingly stable person according to my Homie O'Statis.