How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

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Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why am I here?

Devil: You told people you'd say hi to other people 3,789 times but only did it 4 times. Me: OK that's fair.

How did the white girl get pregnant?

Her teacher told her to do an essay. (ese)

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

What did the handless box get for hristmas?

Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet.

Why do a lot of tech recruiters have herpes?

Because they look for contributors to open sores.

Bible Jokes More Bible Jokes

Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?

When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court

What is Bill and Ted's favorite book of the bible?

Duderonomy! They also like Leviticus.

Shrek Jokes More Shrek Jokes

How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?

Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre

What does Shrek say when he wins a game of chess?

Shrekmate.

Gospel Jokes More Gospel Jokes

Which gospel contains Jesus' parable about the shades of numbers?

Math hue.

What is the difference between a black person and a tire?

The tire doesn't sing gospels when you put it in chains.

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?

Me: I helped 5: How Me: 5: Me: I read her the instructions

Why is the second traffic citation always easier to read?

Because it's re-fined!

Accord Jokes More Accord Jokes

Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia?

Because he was Snowd en! (according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)

What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.