Two: one to get it 95% done, and the second to give it the twist at the end.
The bear minimum
None: Arians aren't afraid of the dark.
Two.
Because, he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing a chicken.
Aunt.
Miscarriage. This joke never gets old, just like the baby.
So he'll only be the second worst president ever.
Getting out of the bed!
None. They just grab it and the world to revolve around them.
When you twist the doorknob it doesn't scream.
Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and one to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Divorced.
A widower.
