What brings you to speed dating?

Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.

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Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What do aliens use to buy their coffee?

starbucks

Why did the junkie walk into the pet store?

To buy some quack croakaine!

Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

Why won't the witch let the traveling pig actors into her gingerbread cottage?

She's afraid they'll bring down the house.

What kind of reptile do you bring on an expedition?

A navi-gator!

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

What do you call someone who likes speed?

Racist.

Why didn't the piece of paper move out of the way when a car came speeding towards it?

Because it was stationary.

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why does a Canadian with a stutter never run low on batteries?

He always has plenty of double "eh"s, triple "eh"s...

Why couldn't the clock be kept in jail?

Because time was always running out.

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

How can people get engaged after dating less than a year?

You haven't seen their fall wardrobe yet and tbh it could be a deal breaker

What is the most popular dating website in the south?

Ancestry.com

Gf Jokes More Gf Jokes

What happened did someone try to break into your house?

Me: No. My gf said we needed to talk

What's a GF?

Mom:if you are a good boy,you will get one when you're older. Son:What if i'm not a good boy? Mom:You'll get many.