What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?

What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."

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Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

What do you call a group of IT guys that smoke meth?

Geek Squad

How do you know when someone smokes weed?

Dont worry, they'll tell you.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away?

Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit.

What should you do if a bird poos on your car?

Don't ask her out again

Store Jokes More Store Jokes

How is Batman different from a black man?

Batman can go in a store without Robin.

Why is the middle east the best place to open a store at the moment?

Because business is booming.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What's the difference between Jesus and an oil painting?

You only need one nail to hold up a picture.

How is everything?

ME: Soul crushing and void of meaning W: I meant your meal M: Soul crushing, void of meaning, and needs salt

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What does it mean if a dude looks down and sees four balls instead of two?

He needs to be very careful, because he may be getting screwed.

Why are people so sore about Russia taking the Crimea?

I mean cry me a river river right

Deal Jokes More Deal Jokes

What's the most awkward aspect of bar-tending at an internet cafe?

You have to deal with people who forget to close their tabs.

What's the deal with my laptop?

I'm sitting there typing and the battery drains, does this ever happen to you? So this little message pops up: Plug in or find another power source. Do you get that message? What other power source are they talking about? Well, I can't find that cable, so I'll go ahead and plug in to the hamster wheel generator I keep just in case. That's my other power source.

Bowl Jokes More Bowl Jokes

Why are there only two hundred and thirty nine beans in a bowl of bean soup?

Because just one more and it would be two-farty

What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?

An Alley-Gator