What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?

What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."

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Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

How do you know when a cat's done cleaning itself?

It's smoking a cigarette.

Why did the priest smoke weed in the cemetery?

He wanted to keep his spirits high.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What did the Japanese soda say to Papa John after he crashed his car?

I'm really sodie pop.

What jumps up and down in front of a car ?

Froglights !

Store Jokes More Store Jokes

What do you call it when you go to the store just to use their dumbbells and then leave?

Shoplifting

Where do you store a werewolf?

In a were-house

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

How many US Congressmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh, please. Like they've ever changed anything that needed it.

What does the unemployed starving man ask his rich baker friend?

I just need some bread

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What do you mean the school must be haunted ?

Daughter: Well the principal kept going on about the school spirit.

Whats up?

Me:Onion prices. S:You know what I mean,like What's crackin' M:Nutshells. S:Really Fine.What's poppin M:Corn. *Blocked*

Deal Jokes More Deal Jokes

What do frogs deal?

Croakaine

What's the deal with Jerry Seinfeld?

Did you ever notice he seems to start off all of his jokes in one of two ways

Bowl Jokes More Bowl Jokes

How do you get a Baby in a bowl? How do you get it out?

How do you get a baby in a bowl? With a mixer. How do you get it out? "With nachos.

Why does a pterodactyl always urinate on the side of the bowl?

Because the pee is silent.