Is this the man I want my kids to spend every second weekend with?
Nice scarf! Must be cold where you came from! Do you guys want coffee?"
Nothing. She's fine.
2: Not much, Brian. I had a pint yesterday. 1: Oh! Really I thought you were only 15 2: I am! 1: So what was it Guiness 2: No, it was water.
He thought it was the white thing to do.
Probably not. Opie delivered.
On a scale from Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky, how much do you love kids?
Nostrildamus
To scare off Cat burglars!
Rich... Also an ambulance.
They both make you wait 2 hours for a 30 second ride!
First of all you'd need a girlfriend to begin with.
How's a half-man half-bird freak gonna get me laid
Because...bros before hose!
He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.
A: Because he always showed up in cuneiform.
Because it's normal to undergo a midlife crisis.
