Whats the difference between a burglar and an ex-wife?

At least the burglar has the decency to leave you the house.

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

What is the difference between a diameter and a radius?

A radius

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What else?

You've walked out of wife"

Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What did you like most about your last job?

ME: *leans in way too close* Leaving it.

What do they leave on your pillow at a bordello in Dijon, France?

Condom-Mints

S Jokes More S Jokes

Whats a word that white people can call white people but black people cannot call black people?

Dad.

What s the difference between an ostridge ?

it can neither fly

House Jokes More House Jokes

How are a grenade and a wife similar?

If you pull the ring off it, the house is gone

What's the best side of the house to build a deck on?

The outside

Ex Jokes More Ex Jokes

How many of my ex-girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. Apparently she will screw anything.

What do you do when you miss your ex?

Reload and shoot again.

Burglar Jokes More Burglar Jokes

What did the burglar say to the watchmaker as he tied him up?

Sorry to take so much of your valuable time.

Why didn't Kevin from Home Alone call the cops when the burglars came around?

He was running a trap house.