Commander Jokes

Who is the commander of cheese?

Sargento

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What did the commander say when she realized that she had left Matt Damon on Mars?

I have left my Mark on Mars"

Why did all most of the black soldiers die in Vietnam?

When the commander yelled "GET DOWN", they all started dancing.

What does the commander say to the firing squad when they go camping?

Ready, aim, make the FIRE!

Who likes music?

asks a commander. - Two soldiers step forward. - All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor.

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Why are you always rushing out of here after work?

You're single with no kids." Me: " Exactly."

Why is Daredevil not a part of the Avengers?

Because he doesn't work with Vision

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

How do you pick up women in Waco, Texas?

With a DustBuster.

What happens to a woman who falls down the stairs?

Nothing, as long as she doesn't drop my beers

Mark Jokes More Mark Jokes

What did the pirate say as he was sailing through Jamaica?

X marks the pot, matey."

What do you call a discounted Zuckerberg?

Marked down!

Wizard Jokes More Wizard Jokes

Why did the wizards wife have hickeys on her neck?

Because he was a neck-romancer....

Why did the wizard ask a pretty chick to throw a heavy box on him ?

Not just the hard on............ it would've made him more flexible

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What do you call a rifle that fires 3 bullets at once?

A trifle!

What is Samsung PR team's Christmas jingle you ask?

The phone we gave you is frightful, But the fire is so delightful ; And since we have no replace to go, Let it blow! Let it blow! Let it blow!

Matt Damon Jokes More Matt Damon Jokes

What were the odds that Matt Damon made it off Mars?

Astronomical

What do you call a baby Matt Damon?

A new-Bourne

Realize Jokes More Realize Jokes

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage I do realize this is a sick joke but it still makes me laugh when I hear it. I'm a horrible person

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why did the butcher die ?

Because he chopped off the wrong sausage.

Why did the pirate captain suddenly die?

He had an an*yarr*ysm.