Pirate Jokes

What do pirates say when they find buried treasure?

Thanks for the gold!

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What happens when a pirate turns 60?

He joins AARP

What's a Pirate's favorite letter?

Rrrrrrrr? You think it be R but it be sea

What does a pirate call three feet?

A YAAAARRRRGGGG!! Oh look a door.

What a pirates favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

Why can't pirates play any card games?

Because someone's always on the deck!

What does Pittsburgh have in common with Peter Pan?

The Pirates always lose.

Why couldn't the pirate play cards?

A: Because he was sitting on the deck !

What did pirate say when he turned 80?

AYE MATEY

What does a pirate have in common with the alphabet?

They only have one I.

What does the pirates 5 trailer and the iPhone 7 have in common?

There's no jack

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Why do people admire pirates so much?

They have nerves of steal.

How much do pirates charge for corn?

A Buccaneer

Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?

Because he was always lost at C!

What did the pirate say when he was accepted into flight school?

It's a pilot's life for me!

Why do pirates love football so much?

Cus they love to count YAAAARds.

Why shouldn't you tell a pirate your secrets?

They ain't private ears. (I don't care if a six year old came to this first thirty years ago, it just came to me.)

What is Blackbeard and Captain Hooks favorite workout routine?

Pirates.

What do you call a flight commandeered by pirates?

A peg leg.

How much will a pirate charge you for a piercing?

Buckaneer

How much did it cost the pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buccaneer!

Why couldn't the Sailor steal other peoples work?

It was Pirated.

Which pirate makes the best food?

Captain Cook.

Why was the pirate fired from the babyGap?

For stealing the booty

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?

A buccaneer.

Why do pirates like birthday parties?

Doubloons.

Why do Hutterites children pretend to be pirates?

Because they ARRRRRRR retarded

What has 3 legs and 3 eyes?

Three pirates

What does a pirate do when he has a cold?

Arrr make tea

Why are pirates so mean?

They just ARRRRRRRRRRR!!!

What did a pirate say to fellow pirate?

Are you seeding?

What did the pirate say when he walked into the brothel?

arggg! thar she blows

What does all pirate music have in common?

It's all played in the high C's.

Where do pirates store their files?

On their RRRRRRR drive.

Why were the pirates on the ship fighting?

They needed better anchor management.

Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

because they get lost at C!

Where does the pirate put his ear ring?

In his buccaneer.

What rating do pirate movies always get?

PG-13

How do you get people to pirate an album?

Release it on TIDAL

Why was the Muslim sad when he bought a pirated disc?

Because the Disc was cracked

What did the proctologist say to the pirate?

Show me your booty.

What did the kid ask the Pirate?

Kid asks, "Where are your buccaneers?" Pirate replies, "They're under my Buccan Hat!"

What has three eyes, three hands, and three legs?

Two pirates

Why are pirates always angry when they go to the restroom?

Because they p-irate.

Why do pirates wake up early on Saturday?

To watch Dablooney Toons!

What does a pirate call his idiot son?

A retarrrrrd

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because Somalia doesn't have an education system

What do you call someone who commits piracy?

Neckbeard the pirate

Why couldn't the pirate have gravy with his thanksgiving dinner?

Because someone stole his boat.

What kind of music does a pirate like?

Arrr'n'B

What's the difference between a pirate and a necrophiliac?

I'm not sure, but they both go out with shovels to find the booty.

Why did the black guy get mad at the pirate?

He dropped the hard 'arrrrrr.'

What letter do pirates guess most often on Wheel of Fortune?

T. Modern pirates are most likely based in Somalia, and T is the most common consonant in the Somali Latin alphabet.

What is the most pirated movie ever?

Arrrrrrrgo

What did the pirate say when he saw a woman giving head?

There she blows!!!

What does a Pirate say when he turns 80?

Ayyyeeeee mmmaattteeeyyy.

Why did the pirate go to Ireland?

he thought he was going to Arrrland.

What did the pirate say?

ayy ayy cap'n

What do you call a girl gamer that always pirates her games??

A crack whore.

This joke may have profanity.

Where was the pirate when he was hit in the crotch?

Menard's!

What do you call Kansas overrun by pirates?

Arkansas

What did the pirate say after his successful pillage?

Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

What did the pirate say when he saw the dank meme?

arrr lmao

What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?

Shiver me timbers!

What did the pirate say when he turned 81?

Nothing, as he didn't exist. The probability of anyone in that demographic reaching their eighties is particularly low, and an active pirate being eighty one years of age is further rendered a statistical impossibility given that a pirate would need to be above a certain threshold in terms of physical ability.

Why are pirates funny?

Because they Arrrr (Yes I know its cheesier than my feet)

What do you call a Pirate you share an apartment with?

Your room-matey.

What did the computer say to the pirate?

Want to date hot Russians!

How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buck an ear (buccaneer).

What are Pirate clothes made of?

Yarrrrrn.

What do you call a pirate from Ireland??

Arrrish

What did the pirate say when his wife kept asking him about the steering wheel in his pants?

Yargg! Woman! Stop asking me! You're driving me nuts!"

Why don't black people like pirates?

they pronounce everything with a hard "aargh"

What kind of vitamin does a pirate take?

Vitamin sea.

What did the pirate say with the steering wheel in his pants?

Arrgh, it's driving me nuts!

What do you call a pirates thong?

A whispering eye patch.

What do pirates do with their treasure in the winter?

They BURy it

What's a pirates favorite fast food?

Arrrrbys

Why did the pirate have to change wenches?

His old one wouldn't let him swab her poop deck.

Where do pirates go after they are thrown out of Kansas?

Arkansas

How do you turn chicken masala into chicken marsala?

Have a pirate cook it...they always add an "arrr"...

Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

They're stuck at C for years

How much do pirates pay for piercings?

A buccaneer!

Why did the pirate with the eye patch drown?

Because he had no depth perception.

What did the pirate say about the steering wheel in his pants?

Arrg, it's driving me nuts!"

Where does a pirate keep his gold?

In his treas-arrrr chest!

How would a pirate describe navigating Reddit on Talk like a Pirate Day?

Arduous.

How do pirates know that they exist?

They think, therefore they arrrr

What did the pirate tell his littler sister when she asked if she could hold his parrot?

ISIS

What kind of movies do pirates watch?

ARRRR Rated Movies!

What does a pirate from Boston say?

Aaahhh.

Why are pirates, pirates?

They just .

What did the pirate Louis Riel say to the villagers?

Yarrrrrrr Metis!

What do you call a pirate that pees on other people?

Rrrrrrrrrrrr Kelly

How do pirates know they exist?

They think, therefore they ARRRRRRRR!

What do pirates do on Saturdays?

They go to Y'arrgggghhh sales.

What did the pirate say after his first-mate stuck the wheel in his pants?

ARGHH! You're driving me nuts!"

Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a pirate who is lost at sea and has to drink his own pee to survive?

Aarrrrrrr Kelly!

How do pirates measure rope?

In yarr'ds.

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Why aren't jokes in base eight funny?

Because 7, 10, 11!

Why did the baseball player fail at the math test?

He used base 3.

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What did the pirate say when he turned 81?

Nothing, as he didn't exist. The probability of anyone in that demographic reaching their eighties is particularly low, and an active pirate being eighty one years of age is further rendered a statistical impossibility given that a pirate would need to be above a certain threshold in terms of physical ability.

What's the difference between a week-old human and a weak, old human?

About eighty years

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How does the Pirate watch his movie?

He PIRATES them off line. (Or torrents them off Pirates Bay) =)

Why should you torrent only from French sites?

Because it'll run faster.

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What veggies are the kids having with dinner?

Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes...

What do you call kids born in whorehouses?

brothel sprouts!

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How do you make a buff guy talk to you for hours?

ask about his routine.

What did Anakin say when the princess asked for his credit card?

Naboo

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Why are those two men standing in the spine of that book?

It must need Osteo-per-o-sis" Love it.

Why did Adrian Peterson sign with the Minnesota Twins?

Because they needed a switch-hitter.

Buccan Hat Jokes More Buccan Hat Jokes

What did the kid ask the Pirate?

Kid asks, "Where are your buccaneers?" Pirate replies, "They're under my Buccan Hat!"

Where does a pirate keep his buccaneer' s?

Under his buccan-hat.

Pirate Bae Jokes More Pirate Bae Jokes

Which is better Pirate Bay or Pirate Bae?

Pirate Bae, because it never goes down.

What do you call a pirate's girlfriend?

Pirate bae