Executioner Jokes

What did the executioner say to his wife when he left?

I'll beheading out now.

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What did the executioner say to the prisoner?

Hang on a minute."

How does the executioner like his coffee?

Decap

Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver?

He always leaves you hanging

How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What gets bigger every time I see my wife?

My wife.

What did Dr Dre say to his wife during Netflix and chill?

Hope you're ready for the next episode

Decap Jokes More Decap Jokes

What kind of coffee does an executioner drink?

Decap

How does the executioner like his coffee?

Decap

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

Why do black people despise environmental studies?

A:Cause they always get hung up on trees.

How do you keep black people out of your back yard?

Hang one in the front!

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why is it never hot in churches?

Because it's prayer conditioned. I'll leave now....

What do you call a thief that leaves a trail?

A crummy thief!

Post Jokes More Post Jokes

Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

x-post /r/puns Scotch.

Why shouldn't you post to Reddit while driving?

becau

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of chili do they serve at the cannibal prison??

Chili CON Carne!

What kind of punch hurts the most?

A Sandy Hook.

Shoulder Jokes More Shoulder Jokes

How does every black guy joke start?

By looking over your shoulder!

Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife?

Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool

Minute Jokes More Minute Jokes

What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute ?

My cat would be dead before I got 50

How can you tell a Minnesota hockey fan?

Ask him what color the blue line is and wait. It may take him ten minutes to answer.