Executioner Jokes

What did the executioner say to his wife when he left?

I'll beheading out now.

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What did the executioner say to the prisoner?

Hang on a minute."

How does the executioner like his coffee?

Decap

Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver?

He always leaves you hanging

How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

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How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb?

The answer may shock you.

What's a prison executioners favorite beer?

Shock-top

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What's black, white and red, and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a spear through her head.

Why do you forget a tooth as soon as the dentist pulls it out?

Because it goes right out of your head.

Coffee Jokes More Coffee Jokes

What kind of coffee do the Islamists hate the most ?

French press

Whats a yoga instructors favourite kind of coffee?

Pilatte

Minute Jokes More Minute Jokes

What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute ?

My cat would be dead before I got 50

What do South American governments and internal combustion engines have in common?

Both are measured in revolutions per minute.

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

How long does it take To microwave a baby?

I'm too busy jerking of to watch a timer.

What's 72?

What's 72? 69 with 3 people watching!

Rdadjoke Jokes More Rdadjoke Jokes

What do you call enchilada sauce bkessed by a priest?

A: HOLY MOLE' Thank you, I'll be in r/dadjokes all week!

What do you call a drunk executioner?

A dun-GIN keeper. Edit: You have my permission to post this on r/dadjokes

Remove Jokes More Remove Jokes

How do you disappoint a pack of redditors?

removed

How do you hide an elephant in a fridge?

You remove his slippers and open the door . You put him inside. You close the door and take the slippers away.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the difference between life and wife's rant?

Life eventually ends.

Why did the mathematician bring home 24 eggs from the grocery store?

Because when he asked his wife how many eggs to buy, she said 4!