Learn Jokes

You don't know none.. And here to learn one.. So when you are with your friends.. Or walking with your son.. Tell them reddit jokes.. thinking now they would listen... (to you) play it cool, play it slow.. No need to blow.. Take this further, take this far.. till sang by a star. (Improvise it as you like, don't care about the grammar. No rapper does.)

Why did the philanthropist learn how to subtract?

Because he wanted to make a difference. My first original, time for open mic!

What do you call a Cloyster that wants to learn the move Rain Dance?

The clam before the storm!

Why can't Albert Einstein drive?

Because he never learned.

What's a spiders favorite way to learn?

A webinar.

What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?

The asphalt.

Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

They're stuck at C for years

Where do rabbits learn to fly?

The Hare Force

Why do pirates take so long to learn the alphabet?

Because they often spend years at C EDIT: made it more punny

What did the man say to the bee who wanted to learn the alphabet?

Nothing lmao bees cant learn.

Why don't women need to go to college?

Because it doesn't take four years to learn how to make a sandwich.

What's the best sport to learn when you are moving?

A: Boxing

Why did the worm want to learn kung-fu?

so he could flip the bird

What's your biggest weakness?

Interviewee: "I never learn from my mistakes" Interviewer: "Oh, why's that " Interviewee: "I never make any"

When did Pinocchio learn he was made of wood?

when his hand caught fire!!

How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

What do you study to learn about acid?

A pHD

What did the Japanese General say to his kamikaze trainee?

Despite what everyone tells you, you'll never learn from your mistakes.

How do birds learn to fly?

They just wing it.

What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write?

Son: I don't know they haven't taught us how to read yet!

Where did Ronda Rousey learn how to take a punch?

Holm School

What do Santa's little helpers learn in school?

The Elfabet!

What did you learn in kindergarten today?

5-year-old: A doughnut would help me remember. Apparently she learned bribery.

How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it's done.

What is the first thing that vampires learn at school?

The alphabat.

Why is English such a hard language to learn?

Because it's

Why do we need to be learned English?

Hmm.. Couldn't have worded that better myself, Luke"

Why did the mechanic go to art school?

Because he wanted to learn how to make a van go!

Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL?

Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.

What did you learn in school today?

Not enough I have to go back tomorrow!

Why did King Kong join the army?

To learn about gorilla warfare.

What do you call it when your child teaches you something they are interested in?

A: Learning from your mistakes.

How is learning to ride a bicycle and 9/11 alike?

Because you never forget!

What do you get when you watch Cinderella backwards?

You see a woman learn her place.

What must a vampire earn to learn to fly?

His red wings.

What is the difference between Russian Optimist Pessimist and Realist?

An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.

Why didn't the girl cry after learning of her boyfriend's leprosy diagnosis?

She didn't have a shoulder to cry on!

What did Amelia Earhart learn?

Triplane fuel can't melt sea beams.

How do computers learn to read?

C:/ Dos C:/ Dos Run Run Dos Run

What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle?

The road.

What do you call a dress that refuses to learn?

Clothes-minded.

What is every blonde's ambition in life?

To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

What's the difference between E.T. and a Mexican?

E.T. learned English and went home.

Where did Buzz feed learn to click bait so well from?

What did Eminem learn to defend himself?

Marshall arts.

Why aren't Pokemon very good dancers?

They can only learn 4 moves.

What's the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse?

The ground!

How are you doing in arithmetic ?

I've learned to add up the zeros but the numbers are still giving me trouble.

Where do children learn their ABC's ?

At LMN-tary school !

What was the last thing a blonde heard before dying of old age?

A: "Today children we will learn our ABC's"

What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup?

Waiter: Probably learning to read.

How did the flea learn to use the internet?

He had to start from scratch.

What is every blonde's ambition?

A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

What's the first thing Aaron Hernandez learned in prison?

He's not a tight end anymore )

What do insects learn at school ?

Mothmatics !

Why does it take so long for pirates to learn the alphabet?

Because they can spend years at sea.

When does a dog go "moo" ?

When it is learning a new language !

Where do you learn to make ice cream?

Sundae School

What did the ship captain say when his son learned to float ?

That's my buoy !

What do you call a crocodile when it robs drinks?

Gator-raid. &lt3 edit: Learned the difference between a crocodile and alligator.

How did the violinist learn to play violin?

He just started fiddling with it.

Why must judges learn to spell well?

A: They must follow the letter of the law.

What's an accordion good for?

A: Learning how to fold a map.

What's the different between E.T. and a refugee?

E.T. learned English and wanted to go home

Why are modern women more likely to pursue a STEM degree?

They need to learn scientific notation to keep track of their n-count.

Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car ?

Because she'd never be able to learn the language

What does a Gorilla learn first in school?

The Apey-cees!

What did you learn at summer camp?

KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator For what KID: To charge our iPods

What is the first nursery rhyme blondes learn in primary school?

A. Hump me dump me!!

Why do you want to learn jujitsu?

Person 1: To defend myself. Person 2: Discipline. Me: My girlfriend keeps stealing my fries.

When are you going to learn to drive?

I don't think they feel very safe in my taxi.

Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters?

She had never learned to spell properly.

What is literally the most important fact you'll ever learn, that will totally blow your mind?

That people exaggerate.

Where did you learn to do that?

Don't wipe boogers on Mommy's pillow! Wipe it on Daddy's

Where did you learn to make ice cream?

Sunday school.

Where do you learn to make banana splits?

At sundae school.

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