How do I stay in shape?

I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it

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Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What did John Wilkes Boothe's stage partner wish him on the day of that tragic night?

Break a leg. So he jumped off the balcony... Sorry that I am not funny.

What do you call the day before Christmas Eve?

Christmas Adam

House Jokes More House Jokes

Why do hurricanes have women name?

Because they take away your house, your car, your furniture and everything you have.

Which pig is she?

Me: What do you mean 4: Is her house made of bricks or sticks

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

What vegetables do plumbers hate the most?

Leeks

Why do Europeans hate American food?

Europeans don't want to die yet. Unlike Americans who don't wanna diet.

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

What do you call a person who steals and is then praised by his/her friends?

A Redditor.

Why couldn't the pirate have gravy with his thanksgiving dinner?

Because someone stole his boat.

Shape Jokes More Shape Jokes

What do you call a phallic shaped potato?

A dictator.

How much do drum shaped sofas cost?

5 dollars per-cushion.

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

Whos there Ellen Ellen who?

Ellen Pao Oh k lol stay out.

What do you get when if you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic and an agnostic?

A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

Chase Jokes More Chase Jokes

Why did the chip chase the sauce?

To ketchup Edit: I'm sorry

Who's the biggest player in the Hundred Acre Wood?

Eeyore, he's always chasing that tail.

Ostrich Jokes More Ostrich Jokes

What do you call the offspring of Rick Ross and an Ostrich?

RickRosstrich.

How do I stay in shape?

I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it