Why do police officers sleep with two rocks near their bed?

With one he turns off the light, With the other he checks if the window is closed

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What does a Japanese chef shout in bed?

Ooo mami! (Umami)

How can you tell when it's time to go to bed at Michael Jacksons house?

When the big hand touches the little hand

Light Jokes More Light Jokes

What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles?

Electricity.

How many people at a Music Festival does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Zero, its already lit

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

Why did you stop your car get out and yell "coward" at the traffic signal?

Motorist: The light just turned yellow.

What's black and white and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a spear through her head.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What do you call a person who sleeps next to dead bodies at night?

Morgue Attendant

What do you call two brown people in a sleeping bag?

Twix.

Check Jokes More Check Jokes

How long have you been chopping wood for?

I'm not sure, I'll check the logs"

What do banks and the US government have in common?

They both deal with checks and balances.

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

What do you call 2 guys hanging on the wall around a window?

Kurt and Rod.

Why is the next Windows version 10 and not 9?

Because 7 ate(8) 9!

Rock Jokes More Rock Jokes

Which similarities do Bon Jovi and geologists share?

They like rock.

What would the punishment be for smoking a joint in the times of Jesus Christ?

You would get stoned. And then get rocks thrown at you.

Close Jokes More Close Jokes

How does a muslim close a door?

Islams it.

What is a Mexicans closing sales pitch?

Kay-so-deal-a?

Police Officer Jokes More Police Officer Jokes

Why are police officers bad at Billiards?

They hit eight ball first because it was black.

What did the police officer say to the white man running away with a TV?

Sir, you dropped your receipt!"