Profession Jokes

Which profession has the worst sense of humour?

Well, chiropodists like jokes. But opticians like them .

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How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers?

Because they both "practice" their professions.

What was the first profession to go all digital?

Proctology.

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

What do you call it when someone relies on sleep studies for a profession?

a rem job

What profession does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Driver

What profession did the parrot get into when it swallowed the clock?

Politics

What profession was once highly respected, but is now a complete joke?

Nigerian Prince Thanks r/askreddit for the idea

Why would you name your human child Hunter?

Hunter is a profession. That's like naming your kid Dentist.

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Clock Jokes More Clock Jokes

What do snakes use to build clocks?

Metal Gears

How many men does it take to fix a women's watch?

Why does she need a watch? There is a clock on the oven!

Idea Jokes More Idea Jokes

Where does a lonely ant go when it is separated from its colony?

I have no idea, but this looks like a good joke. So post your proposals in comments.

Whats the difference between a woman president and pizza?

Most people like the idea of pizza better.

Rely Jokes More Rely Jokes

What do you call it when someone relies on sleep studies for a profession?

a rem job

Why do white people rely on asians so much?

Because without them, they'd just be cauc.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many isolationists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they prefer to live in the dark.

What is the definition of a Wife?

An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

What did Einstein text to his friend who he'd see tomorrow?

E=MC U L8R

What did one hash brownie say to the other?

We're so baked. What did the stoner say to his friend? I'm so high,I can hear the brownies talking to each other.

Country Jokes More Country Jokes

Why are we seeing the creepy clowns all over the country?

Being in many states and seen on all types of media is how they run for president.

Why did the Polish government have to finally ban water-polo throughout the country?

Too many horses were drowning.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What goes ha, ha, ha, clunk?

A man laughing his head off.

What is Dracula's girlfriend called when she gives him head?

Down for the count!

Barber Jokes More Barber Jokes

What do Russians call their barbers?

Combrade

What hairstyle does Christopher Nolan get at the barber?

A director's cut