Shelf Jokes

What do you call a short priest reaching for his bible that's on the top shelf?

Christina Ricci.

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What did the bookshelf say when it looked in the mirror?

I can see my shelf"

Why do Little People hate the taste of alcohol?

Because they can't reach the top shelf.

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

I have only my shelf to blame"

Why are librarians so lonely?

They're always by them shelves Just wanted to see if that library joke checked out Sorry for all the library jokes, I'll put them on hold

What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home?

The shadow of his former shelf.

What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?

I blame my shelf

What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him?

I can only blame my shelf. Shout out to /r/shubreddit

Where did the spoiled milk sit?

On the top shelf. Where did the chocolate milk sit In the back.

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Mermaid Jokes More Mermaid Jokes

What kind of undergarments do mermaids wear?

An algebra

What does the mermaid wear to math class?

Algae-bra.

Oscar Jokes More Oscar Jokes

What did Matthew McConaughey have to say about the 2016 Oscar-winner's line-up?

All white, all white, all white!

Why didn't the bear from the revenant win the Oscar?

Because it would've torn Leo up to receive another Oscar loss

Leonardo Dicaprio Jokes More Leonardo Dicaprio Jokes

Why did Leonardo DiCaprio visit Sesame Street?

It was his only chance to see an Oscar

What do a common garbage can and Leonardo DiCaprio have in common?

No Oscar!

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

Why did Beethoven hate Mozart?

Because Mozart stabbed him in the Bach.

Why do lesbians hate Nutella?

Because it's not nut-free

Taste Jokes More Taste Jokes

What can you add to any food to make it taste better?

The word "free"

How are a pizza maker and a gynecologist the same?

They can both smell it, but they can't taste it.

Cupboard Jokes More Cupboard Jokes

Why did the old man sneak past the cupboard?

He didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.

What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food ?

Snakes and Larders !sna

Little People Jokes More Little People Jokes

What if Snow White just pretended to be asleep so she didn't have to clean up after little people anymore?

Because that I totally get.

What's the tragedy with little people?

They lead such short lives.

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What's the only thing a feminist is going to change?

The Laundry

What did the road say to the chicken?

If you cross me it will be the last thing you do!"