Library Jokes

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

What's the tallest building in your city?

The library, because it has the most stories.

Where can you find lubricant in the library?

In the non-friction section.

What's the tallest building in the world?

A library, because there are so many stories. (Did Not Make Up this Joke)

Why did the clock get banned from the library?

It tocked too much

What is the tallest building in the entire world?

Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world? A: The library, because it has so many stories.

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

What do you call a dog in the library?

A hush puppy.

What's the most dishonest place on earth?

The Library

How much for a happy ending?

Sir, this is a library!" *whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending

Where is the safest place to stay at Ferguson?

The public pool, if it is too crowded try the library.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

What do you call a hundred year old man who dies in the library?

Overdue

What was the preferred magazine of the bear that hung out behind the library?

Digest Readers.

Where do you find the Bible in a library?

Fiction".

What aisle has the milk?

Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk "

What's the tallest building?

A library, because it has so many stories.

How many nuns were at the library?

Absolutely nun

What did the cannibal wipe with . . . . . . after he ate some people at the library?

Pages from *Reader's Digest*

I couldn't get a reservation at the library...

They were fully booked.

What is the tallest building in the world?

The library, it’s got the most stories!

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Sean Connery Jokes More Sean Connery Jokes

What's the only type of seafood that Sean Connery won't share?

Shelfish

What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?

I blame my shelf

Story Jokes More Story Jokes

What's the tallest building?

A library, because it has so many stories.

What's the tallest building in your city?

The library, because it has the most stories.

Gun Jokes More Gun Jokes

What's the difference between a man who owns a gun and a man who owns a bank?

A man with a gun can rob a bank. A man with a bank can rob the world. (Disclaimer: reword of someone else's post to FB today.)

What happened to the gun that kept randomly shooting?

He got fired.

Crack Jokes More Crack Jokes

Why should you never tell jokes on the ice?

The ice might crack up! I use this at the beginning of conversations... it's a reall ice breaker.

What did the eskimo say when her water broke?

Oh no, my ice cracked!

Book Jokes More Book Jokes

How do they keep track of books at the sausage library?

The Andouille Decimal System

Why are libraries so strict?

Because they have to go by the book.

Shelf Jokes More Shelf Jokes

What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?

I blame my shelf

What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him?

I can only blame my shelf. Shout out to /r/shubreddit

Library Book Jokes More Library Book Jokes

When do Arabs return their library books?

the day they're Dubai.

Why did the library book go to the doctor?

It needed to be checked out it had a bloated appendix.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

How many Global Warming nutjobs does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they don't use light bulbs. They live in caves and use no forms of artificial energy because they wouldn't want to be perceived as hypocrites or morons.

How much longer?

Did you bring any snacks They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet - me watching my kids Christmas pageant