How can you tell if your wife left you?

You get laid the same amount of times but the dishes start to pile up. Hey now!

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why did u shoot your wife ?

Judge:why did u shoot your wife instead of shootingher lover? Sardar:Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

What Did The Dying Gambler Say To His Wife?

10 bucks says I don't need this oxygen tank"

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

Because everytime they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

When do the leaves begin to turn?

The night before a test.

What's the difference between yogurt and white people?

If left out for 4,000 years, yogurt will develop culture.

Lay Jokes More Lay Jokes

What's the difference between an egg and Elliot Rodger?

An egg gets laid before it cracks.

What did the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac do?

Lay awake in bed wondering if there really is a dog.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What's the most important part about telling a joke?

Your PUN-unciation

How do you tell a good farmer?

He's outstanding in his field

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why won't the Alzheimer's patient pay attention to you?

Because he doesn't know the time of day.

What is the creepiest letter of the alphabet?

V. Because no matter where you are, any time of any day, no matter what you do, V always follows U.

Dish Jokes More Dish Jokes

Why did God invent women?

You think he's gonna wash the dishes

What kind of dish does LeBron like?

anything with curry in it.

Pile Jokes More Pile Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russel.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a corvette?

I don't have a corvette in my garage.