What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

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Why did jesus not go to australia?

He couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

What kind of root is only easy to find on paper?

A square one.*

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Both crews were marooned.

Why do they allow people in wheelchairs to bring carry-ons onto a plane?

Aren't they themselves a carry-on?

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What if I color on you?

What if I run a truck along your back Steal your toy Throw a ball Spit food at you - My toddler, wooing the dog

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Because he had my grains

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Inshallah water.

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Because they're constant in a pool.

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Astronomy is about things too big to wrap your head around, while gastronomy is about things small enough to wrap your head around.

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You're getting too wrapped up in your work!

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

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I'm going to finish my book." "I didn't know you were writing a book." "I'm not, I'm reading one."

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the observant teacher asks. To which he replies... "writing an ese"

Police Officer Jokes More Police Officer Jokes

Why did the police officer arrest the pop machine?

It was selling coke.

What's a police officers favorite console?

Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U. Edit: Gee Wilikers Batman I've got 151 upvotes yayyyyyy. :D

Offender Jokes More Offender Jokes

What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

When she got in front of the judge he asked, "first offender?

She replied, "No. First a Gibson, second a Fender."

Lake Jokes More Lake Jokes

Why did the sheep jump into the lake?

A: He wanted to take a ba-a-a-th.

What do you call the Moon spirit that at once sits upon a lake of glowing jade and exists nestled within our divine souls?

Altha'or syzygena